Lady in red
by Gravion
Summary: There are some criminals even Batman can't catch.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Slash fiction is silly, and is little more than masturbatory fantasy

The expression on Commissioner Gordon's face was even grimmer than usual as Batman landed on the rooftop.

"What's the situation Jim?"

"There's been a robbery."

Batman frowned. "You called me for something that minor?"

Gordon sighed "It's not that simple Batman. The Metropolitan art museum has been stolen."

Gordon was pretty sure that he was the first person to ever see the legendary Batman do a double take.

"What?" the Bat growled.

"The museum has been stolen" Gordon repeated. "not the contents, just the museum. We have a lead, but the perp's way beyond our abilities to catch."

The dark expression on Batman's face somehow managed to get even darker.

"Tell me about the suspect"

Gordon took a deep breath.

"Well she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina,  
She's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize,  
She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China,  
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If you don't eat yogurt while on antibiotics, you'll get indigestion

Selina Kyle turned around to see a familiar tall, looming, pointy eared shadow standing in her living room.

"Selina" Batman rumbled "We need to talk".

"Oh, hi Bruce, nice to see you too" She quipped. "All this time, and you still haven't learned to say hello?"

Batman choked down a growl of frustration as he held out a file "I need your opinion on one of your peers."

Selina raised a elegant eyebrow as she examined the file's contents. "Oh you're kidding me. Bruce, I'm good, but I'm nowhere near to being in HER class. Nobody's that good".

Batman just barely managed to keep from rubbing his temples. The frustration was starting to get to him. "Can you at least tell me what she's likely to do next?"

"Well" Selina purred, " If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say

Steal their Seoul in South Korea, make Antarctica cry Uncle,  
From the Red Sea to Greenland they'll be singing the blues,  
Well they never Arkansas her steal the Mekong from the jungle"

"Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?" Batman groaned.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: So-and-so is in high school fics are impossible to write in character. It's really better to just call make up your own names for the characters.

After three days of following nonsensical clues and failing to solve an ever growing list of downright impossible crimes, Batman was starting to get desperate. Desperate enough that he called in his old partner for assistance.

"Wowie Bruce, you picked one hell of a challenge this time" Nightwing whistled, as he relined against one of the stalagmites in the batcave.

"Dick, you said you had some experience chasing her when you were with the titans?" Batman asked.

"Yeah, sure did" Nighwing replied, "She stole my virginity. I never did manage to get it back."

Bruce gave the younger man a flat stare.

"What?"

"I thought..never mind." The Bat shook his head. "Got any idea what she might do next?"

Nightwing shrugged. "Well, based on past experience: She go from Nashville to Norway, Bonaire to Zimbabwe,  
Chicago to Czechoslovakia and back!

Well she'll ransack Pakistan and run a scam in Scandinavia,  
Then she'll stick 'em up Down Under and go pick-pocket Perth,  
She put the Miss in misdemeanor when she stole the beans from Lima, "

Batman felt like beating his head against a wall.

"Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? "


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: The measure of good take-out is how well it re heats.

"Oh tell me where in the world is... Oh tell me where can she be?"

Tim watched curiously as Bruce sat in front of the Bat computer, mumbling to himself.

"Ooh, Botswana to Thailand, Milan via Amsterdam,  
Mali to Bali, Ohio, Oahu...! "

Tim shook his head. Bruce had been working on this case, whatever it was for a week, and it seemed like it was starting to get to him.

"Hey Bruce? You've been at this for 18 hours already. Alfred says you need to stop for a bit."

"No time. Every minute I spend resting is more time for her to get away." Bruce grunted.

"What if I help? Why don't you tell me about the case. We might be able to solve it faster that way" Tim suggested.

Bruce gave Tim a look, but proceeded to take a deep breath and recite:  
"Well she glides around the globe and she'll flimflam every nation,  
She's a double-dealing diva with a taste for thievery,  
Her itinerary's loaded up with moving violations,  
Tell me where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?"

Tim grimaced.


End file.
